My hand turned me down
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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