Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Enjoy the penises
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize