Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Please don't give away my fajitas
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
