There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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