I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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