i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
PANTIES FOUND
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
