I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
