Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
