I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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