She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
