Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
