its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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