What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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