but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
