hotel room ftw
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize