I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
