i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Sober January is a disaster.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
