She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
