you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
