Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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