she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
