I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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