If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize