I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
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