If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
