Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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