Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
