apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
