Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
now i know why i became what i already was.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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