if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You were trust falling into bushes
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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