I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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