Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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