I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
