Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
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