I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
