i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
whose ass print is on the piano?
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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