I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
God, I missed his penis.
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