The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
