Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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