4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
