We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
