I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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