it hurts more in the daytime
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
