He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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