I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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