Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
