i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
