i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
