i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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