Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
