i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
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