absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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