true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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