I'm so fucking centered right now
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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