come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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