Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
