Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
