I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize