rhymes with "ouble enetration"
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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