So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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