You made me cry and you don't even care
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
