Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
