Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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