In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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