so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
