I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
