I looked at my own cervix.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
His hands were made for my vagina.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
