I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
