i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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