its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
