Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
