Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
