Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
