If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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