I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize