i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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