Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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