I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Quick, to the slutcave!
Even the bartender felt bad for me
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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